Why the poll...

I guess I can now say that I've been a "blog-slacker" too as it's been a week since I've updated. Just been busy... first, making sure we got our old place cleaned so we could turn in keys, then helping get our quarters at the inlaws organized and cleaned as much as possible (still working on that one!!)

Okay.. why I asked the poll question, which is below this post. I don't even know where to begin with this one, but I guess the reason I asked was because during the past couple of months, I've witnessed first-hand, 2 different families who have bought their boys the items I mentioned in the question. Now, before I continue, 1) Hear me out and 2) disclaimer here: I'm not saying that boys should never be exposed to girl toys and vice-versa. My own son is not only around "girl" toys at church, but also anytime he visits his cousin M at her house and even now, as we are living with my inlaws, there are girl toys here for M that stay in the closet in his room. With all that being said, I will begin my soap box for the moment.

In the case of the one family (who will remain nameless), this little boy is in K and goes to the weekday preschool program at my church. They do not attend our church otherwise. However, some of the information I got came from the director and assistant director, who have become pretty good friends and coworkers of mine since I started there. Anyway, this Kindergarten boy has 3 older brothers at home, both his parents are in the picture, but no sisters, so this makes him the youngest of course. Last week at school, I actually saw him wearing a tied-dyed, purple and pink "My Little Pony" t-shirt, that was complete with sparkly accents. Let me be clear: this was a shirt I expected to see on any typical GIRL, not a boy. Not even close to being a non-gender specific type shirt. When my friends (director and assistant director) had told me about how this little guy LOVED (and they meant it with a capital L) anything that was My Little Pony, even Barbies and just about anything girly, I thought they were exaggerating. Turns out, they weren't. And, as we discussed it some, we determined that the mom had to be buying her child these things, as there are 3 older boys who were "all boy" and therefore, did not indicate that they too, were into all girl toys. And since there are no sisters living at home, it's not just that he's playing with a sibling's toys either. This mom even buys him all "Pony" scholastic books (that you order through school). So, to our conclusion, we are pretty sure the mom is encouraging this behavior and maybe even views him as "her girl" since she has 4 boys.

The other family observation came on my end, as this family is a member of our church and the 2 boys are there all the time. These 2 boys are brothers and have no sisters at home; they are 2 and a half and 4 and a half and they too, have both mom and dad together and at home. I first noticed that one evening, as it was time for pick-up, they were very engaged with the dress-up clothes that are in the room. Typically, only the girls even give these clothes a second thought; most of the time they aren't even played with. Well, these guys not only had as much on as they could get on, they each had on a hot pink, sequenced mini-skirt, complete with accessories! Now, you're probably thinking that it was funny, and it was kind of cute, UNTIL I overheard the older brother say to his younger brother, "No, that doesn't go together. These things go with each other." Okay, what 4 year old knows how to accessorize and match GIRL clothes, unless they do it frequently? Or unless they may help their mom at home? Maybe I'm wrong on that one, but it was still surprising to me, as I've noticed other boys that same age who could care less about matching or accessorizing, much less playing with dress up clothes.

Well, this wasn't the end of this story. The next week, they were dropped off in their classroom and I noticed that both of them had a little clear plastic purse, that had 2-3 sparkly lip gloss containers in it. At first, being so busy, I didn't even think about it. Later as I came back around, I noticed they were playing with it and putting it on their lips (and then realized it wasn't chap stick but girly lip gloss). This bothered me some and then I happened to overhear the mom when she came in to pick them up. Another parent was there and asked about the lip gloss and she said something to the affect, "Well, we were in the grocery store and they saw it so I bought it for them. I didn't think it was a big deal." Oh really?? (This is what I'm thinking, not saying out loud).

Before you think I'm being judgemental or harsh, let me finish my soap box by explaining why I think this is wrong on so many levels. As one of my friends commented on the last post, that she might have been more inclined to not think it was that big of a deal (she's getting ready to have a baby boy and already has a 3 year old daughter), until she read "Bringing Up Boys" by James Dobson. In that book (as I've not read the entire thing, but enough to know this), he explains why it's important, and even crucial that we teach our kids appropriate gender characteristics. Does this mean to be over-bearing or ridiculous about being homo-phobic? No. But I do agree with him in the fact that it's important that we teach our sons that they were made as a boy by God (not by chance) and therefore they have specific male characteristics and roles as they grow into young boys, teens, and then men. Same goes for having little girls. I'll be the first to admit that I was more of a "tom-girl" than ever being a girly-girl growing up. However, I believe my parents made it clear as to how I was specifically designed and created by God to be a girl (and therefore, grow into being a woman.)

I think our society has far crossed over the lines of being specifically male or female and then embracing that fact. Everything has become "gender neutral" and as the result, MANY people grow up confused about who they are, and what their purpose and role in life is. As in the case of these 2 families, during these early, formative years (before age 5, 75% of a child's moral values will be set!) it's important to encourage our boys to be boys and our girls to be girls. Yes, I believe it's okay for them to be exposed to things of the opposite sex. But overall, I believe that it's important for us to encourage them to be who God intended them to be. As in the case of the little boy in K, he has no interest in boy stuff, and according to his teacher, only wants to play with girls. I think this will have a huge impact on him for the rest of his life... and, he could possibly end up living a homosexual lifestyle as a result. And sadly, I believe this mostly comes from his mom. (As my hubs said, "Why do you even ask me what I think... you KNOW what my answer would be!!! Of course I wouldn't buy him those things or encourage it!") I just wonder why this husband of this child has allowed it thus far. Maybe they think he'll "grow out of it." However, I think that won't be as easy as they may think.

I have observed this in our own son: as I said before, he has been around his girl cousin M all his life. During last summer, he spent 4 days a week with her and therefore, was not only exposed to a lot of her "girly" toys but also played with them as well. He has been exposed to and played with girl toys at church. And, like I said, there are dolls and girl things here at my inlaws house, which he has access to play with, if he wanted to. However, because we haven't encouraged him to play with girl things, he has NO interest in them what-so-ever. I mean, he never gives the dolls or few other girl things here another glance. He wants to play with his trains or color, or play golf (a new passion he just discovered!). I say this to say that I do believe this behavior has to be encouraged on some level (either way you go.) And, I feel it's important to encourage appropriate behavior, not behavior that will later cause confusion, frustration, and even teasing and bullying (I can only imagine what that little Kindergarten boy will face when he goes to 1st grade next year.)

So, there's my soap box. If you have boy, encourage him to grow as a boy and celebrate that fact! God made him that way! If you have a girl, same goes! God created her to be special by being a girl! Don't buy into the world's idea that it's okay for him or her to be something that they weren't created to be in the first place. That's all I have on that subject. :)